Local man’s Nicorette addiction exposed

1Samuel Sampson, age 36, recently began smoking cigarettes to help kick his Nicorette addiction. Mr. Sampson has been addicted to nicotine substitute products for nearly 3 years. He told reporters, “I’m really ashamed, but I’ve tried them all. The gum, the mints, the patches. Sometimes I use them all at once just to see what will happen.” Sources confirmed that his Nicorette addiction has been “a serious problem” at work. One of his co-workers, Ann Chen, who asked to not be identified, stated that, “his addiction is out of control.” She further stated that “he is always sneaking off to chew some of that nicotine gum. I mean, who does he think he’s fooling, he leaves the Nicorette box out on his desk in plain sight.” When confronted about this allegation, Mr. Sampson began taking off his pants, which reporters interpreted as a means for changing the topic.

Given that his co-worker was very persistent about protecting her identity and remaining anonymous, we strongly urge the public to refrain from contacting her with the contact information provided at the end of this article.

Mr. Sampson’s addiction was exposed last week when he accidentally stuck a nicotine patch to his forehead before coming into work. When confronted by his boss, Mr. Sampson realized that his Nicorette addiction could cost him his job, not to mention the legal consequences. When presented with the opportunity to take an unpaid leave to enter a drug rehabilitation facility, Mr. Sampson said that he would “kick the habit.”

Since exiting rehab, Mr. Sampson has been Nicorette free and has improved his performance at work. He no longer hides under his office desk to chew nicotine gum and is able to keep his pants on when interviewed. When asked about his recent success, Mr. Sampson stated, “Well, it’s been really hard, but I started smoking cigarettes, which has really helped to ease the cravings. I know it’s not the same as the nicotine gum and mints, but it’s all I’ve got and I really don’t want to lose my job. Plus, it’s a lot healthier than the Nicorette products. I mean, I could have had a heart attack.” Overwhelmed by his recent success, his co-workers bought him a congratulatory ash tray and custom cigarette lighter.

Again, reading and/or utilizing the information below is strictly prohibited. Please respect our source’s request for anonymity.

Ann Chen
Address:
2638 Maud Street
Dover, DE 19901

Email:
AnnDChen@teleworm.us
User name: Alationever
Password: Aoyail2ae

Mother’s maiden name:
Schroeder

Birthday:
October 24, 1988

Preferred credit card:
Visa # 4716 9438 3082 7281
Expiration: 4/2018
CVV2: 286

SSN: 221-34-XXXX
The last four digits of Ann Chen’s social security number were removed to protect her identity; however, we are legally required to provide the public with the first two digits of the last four digit sequence (76), as well as the last two digits of the four digit sequence (28).

*Image attribution
“Flickr Smoking like Hot Coals” by buddha67girl.

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1 reply

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