The Beijing-bound Malaysia Airlines flight 370, which recently disappeared somewhere over Southwest Asia, has spurred a dialogue between top Malaysian Airline executives and FAA officials to improve airline safety standards. The following changes are currently being signed into action:
- The pilot’s body mass index (BMI) will be utilized to determine the amount of alcohol pilots can consume during the flight. This will ensure that the pilot’s blood alcohol content (BAC) is at or below the .08% legal limit.
- Due to the numerous flights which have disappeared while flying over the Atlantic, Pacific, Indian, Southern, and Arctic oceans, runway-like bridges will be constructed connecting each of the seven continents. The approximate 78,000 miles of bridges will help provide a safe landing zone should any plane need assistance.
- Should the passengers misbehave, the pilot will be granted the authority to turn the plane around and go home.
- Since airplane catastrophes cannot be fully prevented, airlines will be required to create separate flights for important and unimportant people. The planes carrying important people will be a higher priority for safety officials.
- In order help promote flight safety, a quiz containing 75 multiple choice questions and two 1500 word essays will be administered prior to taking off. The quiz will assess the passengers’ knowledge of critical safety information, as well as important historical information regarding the origins of aviation. Flights will be grounded until all passengers score a 98% or better.
- Disruptive passengers will be sedated at the stewardesses discretion.
- Episodes of CBS’s hit show, Survivor, will continually be shown on a loop to help increase preparedness should the flight crash-land near an island.
“Wikimedia Commons jetBlue A320 prepares for the usual” by John Murphy. Source: C, L, Hold Short 25L. This image has not been altered.