Regarding Bieber’s behaviors, kids are egging houses in mass quantities, visiting court houses and talking back to random lawyers for absolutely no reason, and street racing Lamborghinis. Lamborghini dealerships across the country are reporting that thousands of teenagers, as young as 13, are buying Lamborghinis; sometimes 3-4 at a time. The word “Bieber” is also being used an adjective, meaning, “to do something so completely fucking stupid that even a 3 year-old would slap you in the face.”
Chris Brown’s recent arrest by the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department has also influenced the nation’s youngsters to act out. Although sources were unsure about the circumstances regarding Brown’s arrest, our reporters were just provided with the details. Apparently, Chris Brown’s 2009 physical assault on then-girlfriend, Rhianna, is just being investigated by Los Angeles detectives, 5 years after the incident took place.
LA detective, John Barrows, stated, “We’ve been really busy here, but we have been trying to rush things along to get to the allegations against Mr. Brown.” After reviewing the evidence and speaking with Rhianna, detective Barrows stated, “there is no conclusive evidence that he assaulted her. I mean, look at her, she doesn’t have a bruise on her.”
Other sources have reported that there have been numerous complaints about the LA detectives slowed response to investigations. Judith Myers, age 42, is one such case. She told reporters that she filed a complaint against her neighbor, who has been playing “really loud heavy metal music” non-stop for the past 8 years. Mrs. Myers is hopeful that the police will arrive soon to speak with her neighbor; however, she may withdraw her complaint because the music caused her to go deaf 3 years ago.
Fortunately, adolescents have not followed the example of Brown’s alleged assault. Thirteen year-old Joshua Hoffman, stated, “Dumb fucker, who hits a woman? But, throwing rocks through your mom’s car window, now that’s something I could get behind,” referring to Brown’s recent actions when he was “kicked out” of a rehab facility.
Whether or not these “new fads” will last is unknown, but auto-glass repair shops and egg-farmers across the country are crossing their fingers.