As per Jim Angle’s article on FoxNews.com, the American public can no longer purchase individual or family health insurance policies under the Affordable Care Act until the next open enrollment period, which begins on January 1, 2015. Thus, “tens of millions of people will be locked out of the health insurance market for the rest of this year.”
Until the uninsured are able to acquire coverage, the following healthcare survival tips should be taken into consideration:
- Try to not to be old, weak, or sick
- Illnesses generally spread through contact; avoid touching everything
- Neosporin helps fight bacterial infection; cover yourself with a thick coat daily
- Go to your local GNC or Vitamin Shoppe and buy at least two of everything
- Politely ask your cancer to hold off for a little while
- Alcohol kills infection, drink numerous vodka tonics
- Schedule a comprehensive check up, an MRI, and an EEG at least five times a week to help detect any developing illnesses or medical conditions
- Diagnose yourself, WebMD wasn’t created just for recreational use
- Get incarcerated; the prison doctor is better than no doctor
- Visit the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) and ask for a sample of the “cure to all diseases serum.” The more persistent and annoying you are, the quicker they will give it to you. This may also result in #9
- Require that your children play the game Operation on a daily basis for practice, should you need an emergency surgical procedure
- Attend medical school; in just four short years you will be able to provide your own medical care
Lastly, we would like to ask everyone to spend time with the elderly, they’re probably not going to make it.
“FoxNews.com Latest ObamaCare surprise: Most won’t be able to buy health insurance until end of year” by Jim Angle. April 9, 2014.
“Flickr Beautiful doctor standing in hospital while his colleagues talking to patient” by roidinc. This image was not altered.