Goodbye Windows XP

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As of April 8, 2014, Windows XP technical support and future security updates have been terminated. Windows XP technical support staff, which consisted of eight middle-aged Indian men living in Mumbai, reported that although they are “deeply saddened,” they “never really helped anyone anyway.”

Our sources tried calling these Microsoft employees prior to April 8 via the Microsoft XP technical support hotline; however, we were repeatedly put on hold. When our reporters were finally put through, it was extremely difficult to understand any of these men due to their thick Indian accents and limited knowledge of the English language.

Although our reporters attempted to ask about their opinions regarding Microsoft’s decision to terminate their positions, the men repeatedly stated, “you try right-click alt-delete?” or “now you try reboot.” It became apparent that they had absolutely no idea what our reporters were saying.

Our sources also confirmed that, since Windows XP was initiated in 2001, the “security updates” have been nothing more than updates and bug fixes to Adobe Flash Player. Microsoft employees admitted that they’ve done “virtually nothing” to help prevent viruses and malware.

Thus, following these changes on April 8, Windows users will likely experience no differences when using XP.

 

 

Source: CNN Money: Microsoft is about to take Windows XP off life support” by Adrian Covert. January 29, 2014.

Image attribution: “Flickr Windows XP” by ankitjuthani. This image was not altered.

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