Benny’s Diner recently decided to redo their menu in order to provide more elaborate descriptions of their menu items with the hope that it will boost business. Following is just one of their many revised menu items:

New menu item description:

Two slices of a titillating combination of hand-picked grains from the vast fields of the exotic city of Des Moines, Iowa. These hand-picked grains were shipped directly to our facility by way of a specialized 18-wheel vehicle and baked to perfection using a rare form of generic yeast. Our food technician specialists carefully monitor the baking process to ensure the highest quality of preparedness. In between these two marvelous slices of heaven we would like to entice your taste buds with freshly cut leaves cultivated from a plant of the daisy family along with freshly cut slices of our glossy red, pulpy edible fruit. Also, don’t forget about the addition of our special edible bulb, composed of several concentric layers, that has a mouth-watering pungent taste and smell that is so terrific, it may make you cry. If this weren’t enough to get you going, several slices of a cured and finely salted sustenance from the hind quarters of a specially selected cob roller will put you in a state of ecstasy. To top it all off, this exquisite collection of foods will be generously covered in a thick, creamy dressing consisting of egg yolks beaten with oil and vinegar and seasoned. For additional coins, we would like to provide you with the opportunity to add several slices of the ancient food, first discovered in 5,500 BCE, which is made from the pressed curds of milk and is available in a wide range of flavors, textures, and forms. 

Previous menu item description:

Ham sandwich with lettuce, tomatoes, onions, and mayonnaise. Cheese optional.

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Image attribution:
“A Not-So-Boring Sandwich” by The Charmed Mom. This image was not altered.

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