Local man, Brandon Mullings, told sources that over the past several months the time at which he eats lunch has been slowly regressing towards his breakfast time. He stated, “I used to eat lunch at 12:00 pm, sometimes even 12:30 pm, but lately I’ve been eating lunch a few minutes earlier every day. I don’t know, I just get hungrier earlier I guess.”
Currently, Mr. Mullings breaks out his ham and cheese sandwich, as well as a bag of chips and two Twinkies, at 10:30 am. Sources are worried that his lunch will regress so much so that it will replace his breakfast. Mr. Mullings told sources that he’s planned for this and will probably start waking up at 5 am to eat breakfast, then just have lunch when he normally wakes up.
Sources have also confirmed that he has added several other meals throughout the day to prevent starvation, such as a post-lunch cheeseburger, 2 pm quesadillas, pre-dinner fish tacos, and post-dinner lasagna. Mr. Mullings also keeps several sub-sandwiches in his briefcase for emergencies.
The interview with Mr. Mullings came to an abrupt end as he began eating his newly established pre-pre-dinner salami and cheese sandwich meal. Mr. Mullings was not sure if he forgot to remove the paper separating the slices of cheese or if the cheese just “tastes papery.” Sources decided it would be best to stop the interview and allow Mr. Mullings to investigate. Sources also terminated the interview due to Mr. Mullings attire, a “tight red onsie,” which made the interviewers somewhat uncomfortable.
Image Source:
“Flickr Red Union Suit” by Tom. This image was not altered.
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