A recent special report from The Onion, entitled “High School Student, Teacher Applying For Same Summer Waitressing Job” (see video below), stated that high school student, Marissa Klemp, and her former chemistry teacher, Rebecca Murphy, both applied for the same summer waitressing job. Our sources were recently informed that both Marissa and Ms. Murphy obtained waitressing positions; however, Marissa was quickly promoted to assistant manager due to her diligent and efficient work style. Although there are several months left of summer, sources have confirmed that Marissa, who now oversees the hiring process, recently terminated Ms. Murphy’s employment at the restaurant. Marissa told sources that Ms. Murphy “just wasn’t cutting it” and that she was “very disappointed in her ability to get tasks done in a timely manner.” Marissa told Ms. Murphay that the restaurant industry was “not for her” and that she should seek out other summer vocational opportunities. It is also rumored that Marissa wrote a “pretty shoddy” letter of recommendation for Ms. Murphy.