Update on NASA’s plans to send chimpanzee to sun

700The Onion recently posted an article briefly describing NASA’s plans to send a chimpanzee to the sun (click here for article). In order to better understand NASA’s goals, our sources spoke with NASA’s administrator, Charles Bolden.

Mr. Bolden told sources that their decision to explore the sun’s surface is primarily due to the fact that “the moon is pretty boring.” NASA scientists are well aware of the heat emitted by the sun and have taken precautions to ensure the safety of the chimpanzee; “We’re putting the little guy in an aluminized heat-resistant suit, which should do a pretty good job.” Despite this, some speculate that the aluminized suit, which can resist temperatures up to 2000 degrees F, will not be strong enough to withhold the 27 million degrees F of heat located on the sun’s surface.

Although NASA scientists have no reason to doubt the mission’s success, Mr. Boldon told sources that launching the chimpanzee into space will be difficult. “Well, the sun is too bright so we can’t really look directly at it to set the trajectory of the rocket, so we’re kinda just guessing where to aim it. It’s like throwing a rock off of a really high cliff and trying to hit an ant at the bottom. It’ll probably work out though.”

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10 replies

  1. I don’t often get to use the word droll–thanks for stopping by my blog, so I could follow you home to this delightful blog.


  2. A source close to NASA said that the original plan was to send a woman on a diplomatic tour to Mars with the aim of reviving stalled negotiations. Unfortunately, talks broke down when they had trouble finding enough cabin space for the requisite number of, “potion bottles” to support a female over a two-year round trip.


  3. I really appreciated how this article was written Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Since the POTUS severely cut funding for the American space programs, he should be sent up with the monkey. Ah, what the heck, I’m feeling generous (as a taxpayer) why not just go ahead and pack up every member of Congress and send them all on a “junket” to the sun…they can pretend to be on a fact-finding mission to learn more directly about the magic of “solar”. POTUS will definitely get on board if you tell him there’s a golf course there.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It may seem like a bad idea to travel to the Sun because of the enormous radiant heat … therefore, they should send the rocket at NIGHT!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. That has to be a one way trip!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I disagree with A. van Neral.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. I agree, the moon is becoming boring…I just wish NASA would collect a list of top 10 persons the people think ought to be sent to the sun. That would really get this mission off the ground!

    Liked by 2 people

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