A local Goodwill Donation Center recently contacted the Departments of State and Homeland Security, as well as calling any other important people whom they could find phone numbers for on the internet, claiming that their store had entered a state of emergency.
The source of the emergency was a donated 1962 National Panasonic AM/FM radio (pictured on left). A Goodwill employee stated, “The radio works. It actually works. Like you turn the knobs and sound comes out. It was really terrifying. This isn’t the place to bring stuff like that. This is where you bring junk, not stuff that anyone can actually use. I’m still shaking just thinking about it.”
Apparently, the music from station K-Rock 96.7 FM terrified everyone at the donation center. Most employees have worked there for 10+ years and have never encountered an actual functioning electronic device. Another employee stated, “Once I got over the shock of hearing voices come out of that thing, I realized that we have absolutely nowhere to put it. Does it go with the ripped sweaters? The ugly scarves? The one-legged action figures? No, this thing has no place here. Once word gets out that we have something that actually works there’s going to be chaos. People from all around are going to come to try to get a piece of the action. I mean what do people think we are, some fancy electronics store or something?”
Sources reported that the Goodwill Donation Center has yet to hear back from both Homeland Security and the Department of State, but its employees will continue to stand around in a circle staring at the radio in case it decides to make any more frightening sounds.