Local artist, Katerina Kamprani, has created a new product line which is expected to be kind of successful. And by kind of successful we mean unsuccessful. Estimated sales for each of her new products are predicted to total upwards of zero dollars. Following are several of her great new products which will likely never be purchased by consumers:
Self Pouring Watering Can: Do your watering cans never grow? This self pouring watering can redirects water onto itself so that it can grow and flourish at the same rate as the plants you water.
Functionless Key: Do you have any key-holes that need keys? This functionless key will allow you to fill those useless key-holes with a key that has no ability to turn once it is inserted.
Single Grain Salt & Pepper Shakers: Have you ever wanted exactly 13 grains of salt and 17 grains of pepper on your meal? These specially designed salt & pepper shakers allow only a single grain to pass through the bottleneck with each shake, allowing for maximum grain control.
Porcupine Wine Glass: Have you ever hugged a cactus and loved it? If so, this prickly glass is for you.
Handicap Wine Glass: Do you suffer from having a sideways mouth? If so, this uniquely styled wine glass should help increase the amount of liquid that actually makes it into your mouth.
Angled Chair: Do you talk to dwarves all day? This unique chair is angled so that you no longer have to look down when talking to your dwarf friends, which relieves unnecessary stress and tension on your neck.
Stainless Steel Pot: This pot is great for cooking all your favorite soups; however, due to the handle placement it is not recommended for use with liquids, as they may spill.
Staircase: Have you ever wanted to say hello to the upper left corner of your room? If so, these stairs will enable to you do so as frequently as you please.
Rain-boots: These stylish rain boots are great for rainy days or for those with a latex fetish. Given their open toe style, however, it is not recommended for use in wet environments.
Concrete Umbrella: This product is specifically designed for use in Detroit, MI, where the daily weather forecast for bullets flying through the air is 100%.
We hope that you have enjoyed viewing this new product line and are pretty confident that you will never actually see anyone purchasing and/or using these products.