Due to the recent US airstrikes against the Islamic State of Iraq and Al Sham (ISIS), terrorist leader, Abu al-Baghdadi, recently apologized to the United States with an official apology letter and a fruitcake.
Although Obama has yet to speak about this apology, sources stated that the one word letter saying, “Sorry,” carries no weight due to the President’s refusal to negotiate with terrorists. The gift of a fruitcake, however, is covered under the 17.5th Peace Amendment to the United States Constitution. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the 17.5th Amendment, it states:
“Any nation or internationally recognized political body must be given one free pass with the gift of a fruitcake. This free pass can be used to establish peace, in the event that the nation offering the fruitcake committed atrocious acts, such as war crimes, genocide, severe violation of human rights, or the development of nuclear or biological warfare. In order to be considered for a peace agreement, the fruitcake must contain at least six different kinds of fruit, various types of nuts, and be at least two pounds in weight.”
The fruitcake that Al Baghdadi sent to President Obama apparently has nine different types of fruit and at least three different kinds of nuts. Also, it was made by the terrorist’s grandmother, who, according to other nations which have reached fruitcake peace agreements with ISIS, such as Russia, “it tastes pretty awesome.” If the offering turns out to weigh at least two pounds, a peace agreement and subsequent withdrawal of all our aerial forces will occur within the next day.
Images: “Flickr: Terrorist??” by ali; “sfweekly.com: ‘Fruitcake That Ate New Jersey’ Has San Francisco Origins” by Joe Eskenazi. December 27, 2010.