Local Teen Waitlisted At ISIS

The Lonely Petunia

NEW YORK, NY—Despite submitting a solid application and having several letters of recommendation, local teen Jeremy Swanson was put on the ISIS waitlist yesterday, sources confirmed. “I thought my essay titled ‘Death to America’ was pretty strong, but I think my marksman and bomb making scores might have hurt me,” said Jeremy, a 17-year-old who lives in Brooklyn. Jeremy’s older brother was admitted to ISIS last year with lower test scores, but the terrorist organization has reportedly had to increase the rigor of its admissions process due to the onslaught of new applicants in the past twelve months. According to an inside report, Jeremy applied during the first round, meaning he still has a chance to be admitted if the applicants in round 2 and round 3 are not as strong according to the ISIS admissions board. “I can also send one more letter of recommendation from a domestic…

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Categories: Articles

3 replies

  1. His parents are proud and continue to encourage personal growth and development.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The hell…

    Liked by 1 person

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