Marco Rubio hits a child in face with a football – child reportedly dies on impact
Neurosurgeon, Ben Carson, promotes medical procedure that will make you dumb enough to vote for him
Donald Trump continues to demonstrate age-old American tradition – You can do whatever the shit you want as long as you have a fuckload of money.
Pluto has officially decided to enter the 2016 presidential election
A recent article by The Onion (click here for more) also provided the following information regarding Hillary Clinton:
Hillary Clinton agreed to turn over her private email server to the FBI Wednesday after it was alleged that emails sent over her personal account could be compromised outside the possession of the government. Here are some of the contents of Clinton’s emails that have been inspected thus far:
- 2016 fundraising email sent out at 11 p.m. on Nov. 4, 2008
- Rarely included hyphen when typing “cover-up”
- 200 unread emails from John Kerry
- Reminder sent to White House staff on Dec. 14, 2011 that unmarked turkey sandwich in fridge is hers
- 16-year-long friendly email exchange with Linda Tripp
- Heated back-and-forth with graphic designer about which direction arrow in campaign logo should point
- 8 different terse emails to Obama found in drafts folder
- Not one email sent during 72 hours following Benghazi attack
- Email sent to herself on Aug. 11, 2015 warning whoever reads it that nothing is going to stop her from becoming president this time
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Categories: Headlines
Annoying child’s imaginary friend won’t even hang out with him 
Man’s GPS gives up, tells him to turn around and go home 
Couch at obesity clinic really not looking forward to going to work today 
Local fat guy accidentally eats Hispanic child at Mexican restaurant 
I am surprised that the Lewinsky factor has not yet taken center stage in the race! Maybe Trump is winning with his entertainment value.
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YOU’RE FIRED!!!
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