Author Archives
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Frugal man celebrates birthday in Party City store
Derek Hall, a local 31-year-old man who is reportedly a complete asshole when it comes to spending money, stated that he will celebrate his upcoming birthday at a local Party City retail store…. Read More ›
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Online university clueless on how to make diploma
President of a recently established online university, Dr. Blake Adams, told sources that someone is about to graduate and he has absolutely no idea what to do. Although Dr. Adams has graduated numerous times, awarding himself a total of 27 PhD’s,… Read More ›
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Dad continues to dwell on that one time he was right
Sixty-eight-year-old Patrick Stevens, local husband and father of two, continues to dwell on that one time in 1994 when he was apparently right during a family debate. His wife and children stated that although Mr. Stevens has been wrong the… Read More ›
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Man & woman plan to attend couples therapy for first date
Bill Thatcher and Margaret Jacobs were recently set up by mutual friends and although they have not yet met, they decided it would be best to attend a couples therapy session for their first date. Mr. Thatcher stated that he… Read More ›
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Local fat guy accidentally eats Hispanic child at Mexican restaurant
Sources reported that local fat man, Tom Morris, accidentally ate a small Hispanic child at a Mexican restaurant, where he frequently dines. Mr. Morris stated that the child looked exactly like a burrito and that he’s really sorry. The… Read More ›
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North Korea promotes ‘Free Thinking Day’
In order to help improve relations with other countries, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un appeared on state run media stating his intentions to create a national “Free Thinking Day.” Jong-un reported that on this specific day all North Korean citizens will be allowed… Read More ›
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Saudi Prince donates 10,000 barrels of oil to homeless
Prince Al-Waleed recently donated 10,000 barrels of oil to homeless and underprivileged families. The Prince stated that each family can do whatever they please with their barrel, but after they are done doing whatever it is they plan on… Read More ›
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Daredevil produce manager to attempt largest ever plum display
Sources reported that Phillip Barker, a local produce manager, plans to make the largest ever plum display. He stated that it will span aisles 2 through 10 and although the plums are very ripe, he warned all customers against removing… Read More ›
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Pope loses keys to Vatican, again
Local sources reported that Pope Francis has once again locked himself out of the Vatican. The Pope was overheard saying that he “seriously has no idea what happened to them.” Although he usually keeps a spare key under the flower pot… Read More ›
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Police now required to use Silly String in place of handgun
It was recently reported that reserve deputy Robert Bates accidentally shot an unarmed black man in Tulsa, Oklahoma. Apparently, he meant to grab his taser, but instead grabbed his gun. Given the numerous police shootings of unarmed black men in… Read More ›
