It was recently reported that 38-year-old John Thomas purchased a 6.8 lb economy size bag of trail mix, fully knowing that he will just eat the M&M’s. Mr. Thomas stated that although there are probably like 20 M&M’s in there,… Read More ›
Articles
Welcome to our Articles section; home of our more elaborate news stories. Are you phobic of reading more than 100 words, or just a lazy sack of shit? No sweat, visit the Headlines section!!
New study shows bees sting people just for the fucking fun of it
New research shows that bees do not sting people to protect the hive, but rather to watch people dance around in pain like fucking idiots. Researchers stated that if you listen closely you can even hear their little bee laughs,… Read More ›
Local emergency response unit breaks down
Harold Barnes, the driver of a local emergency response vehicle in a small Kentucky city, reported that his emergency response vehicle has broken down. Although Mr. Barnes was unaware, local sources reported that he operates the only emergency response vehicle… Read More ›
The Americans with Disabilities Act: Exercise your right to work
The Americans with Disabilities Act: Exercise your right to work.
High school experiences budget cuts, uses weird looking kid as mascot to save money
Due to recent budget cuts, a local high school does not have the appropriate funds to purchase an animal mascot costume for their sports teams. At a recent faculty meeting the principal decided it would be best to just use… Read More ›
Man accidentally shops at Baby Gap
Forty-one-year-old Tom Evans told sources that “clothing sizes aren’t what they used to be.” Apparently, Mr. Evans went to The Gap to buy new clothes, but accidentally entered Baby Gap instead. He said that he tried on several clothing items… Read More ›
Frugal man celebrates birthday in Party City store
Derek Hall, a local 31-year-old man who is reportedly a complete asshole when it comes to spending money, stated that he will celebrate his upcoming birthday at a local Party City retail store…. Read More ›
Online university clueless on how to make diploma
President of a recently established online university, Dr. Blake Adams, told sources that someone is about to graduate and he has absolutely no idea what to do. Although Dr. Adams has graduated numerous times, awarding himself a total of 27 PhD’s,… Read More ›
Dad continues to dwell on that one time he was right
Sixty-eight-year-old Patrick Stevens, local husband and father of two, continues to dwell on that one time in 1994 when he was apparently right during a family debate. His wife and children stated that although Mr. Stevens has been wrong the… Read More ›
Man & woman plan to attend couples therapy for first date
Bill Thatcher and Margaret Jacobs were recently set up by mutual friends and although they have not yet met, they decided it would be best to attend a couples therapy session for their first date. Mr. Thatcher stated that he… Read More ›
