Welcome to the Q&A! Following are the questions we have received via our site, Facebook, and Twitter. Feel free to ask a question in the question box below and check back in a few days and your question will magically be answered!
Ask us ANYTHING. Have a medical problem and want advice from someone who has absolutely no idea what they are talking about? Interested in knowing whether Justin Bieber is male or female? Want to know your future chances with “that girl or guy?” Ask away!!
regina5000 asked: “Dear potato: My friend has bought a Zombie table game, but it’s faulty. Now there’s a big Zombie Apocalypse in my town, THEY’RE EVERYWHERE!!!!! Even my friends have turned into zombies, all our zombies have turned into zombies, what can I do???”
- Well, you’re basically screwed. But we’ll try to help you out. First of all, the board game you got is not actually a zombie game, it’s actually called Monopoly. The little man with the mustache is often confused for a zombie, but he’s actually just a little man with a mustache. Chances are you’re already a zombie, but in case you’re not, follow these steps: 1) don’t go near the zombies 2) eat lots of celery. #2 actually doesn’t help but we just like celery. Maybe you could try talking to them? Make a peace offering? Maybe if you just give them something small like your big toe or pinky finger they will leave you alone. Even if you die though, we hope you keep reading our articles. Both heaven and hell have wifi and internet cafes.
46forum.com asked: “How come Bluto doesn’t just eat the spinach and then whoop Popeye’s ass?”
- Well Mr. 46forum.com, that is an exellent question. In case our readers are not aware of who Bluto is, Bluto is Pluto’s evil cousin who occasionally cross dresses and loves marshmallows. The reason Bluto doesn’t eat spinach is because he’s too busy using crack-cocaine and having sex with prostitutes. But I’m sure if he ever puts the pipe down, he’ll bulk up on spinach and kick Popeye’s ass.
brendanbranagan wrote two comments: 1. buy what if slim is not shady? ~i crie everitim~ and 2. DOUGHNUTS!!
- Brendanbranagan, first we would like to point out that your name looks like the word banana. Second, stop smoking weed. And third, well, we love dougnuts too so yea, DOUGHNUTS!!
Mp Sharma asked: “Dear Potato, I just recently purchased the wardrobe that takes you to Narnia on eBay but it’s faulty. I have unsuccessfully tried to travel through it (even spending all of last night tucked away in it, only to surprisingly receive whiplash the next morning), but I just end up in my room again. Obviously the coordinates are skewed or something. EBay isn’t receiving my complaint emails, and the last cabinet maker/electrician/plumber I contacted to fix the problem gave me the contact details of the nearest mental asylum! Can you please suggest a remedy, because now all I have is a hideous luminous pink wardrobe in my room that only matches with half my décor.”
- This is a very common problem. Narnia is actually located at Walmart. In ever Walmart Narnia is located in the back left corner of the store. It’s kind of like getting on that train in Harry Potter, you have to run into the wall at full speed. If you do it right, bam, Narnia. As for your ebay closet, I’d just shave it down and make lots of toothpicks out of it.
Gibber wrote: “Dear potato, Thank you for following my blog I can’t tell you how smart you are…I mean how much I appreciate it. I may enjoy the occasional french fry, is that an issue? Chips, how do you feel about chips?”
- We’ll answer your question with a question; We may enjoy the occasional human arm, is that an issue? Human brains, how do you feel about human brains? Regardless of how you feel about us eating your arms or brain, we would like to thank you for following our blog as well!
Sparky asked: “Can I marry this site? I mean people have relationships with their cars, so why not websites?”
- Are you a dog? We are a little concerned that you are a dog. Sparky is a dog’s name. If you are a dog, then holy shit yes you can marry us. A dog that types and can express romantic interest, that’s better than a bag of Cheetos. And we love Cheetos. But if you are not a dog and you are human, that’s cool too, we’ll still marry you.
roadwax asked: “My only concern is that school children might see this site. Please can we make sure that this happens?”
- This is an excellent question and we strongly feel that children would benefit from visiting our site. Embedded in our posts are life learned facts which we hope our kiddo viewers will understand and implement. These include topics such as: “There’s no such thing as stranger danger” – “drugs are fun” – “how to kill mommy and daddy while they’re sleeping” – “how to juggle knives without getting cut” – and the most important, “how to love yourself in public without getting arrested”
Caitlin from, well, wherever Caitlin lives
- Hi there. Because I’m awesome & currently STD free, how would I go about convincing the Potato that I should write for you Spudness?I’d love to be considered to contribute to the ridiculousness of the site.Hoping to hear from you soon (purchased eye-condoms as a precautionary measure).Kind regards,
- Hi Caitlin, Thanks for the message. We would like to start off by asking, did you know that there are over 3,000 ways to spell your name? There are only a few variations of potato: POTATO, PotatO, and potato. You’re life must be very confusing. See, here they are:
Caitlin Catelin Caytlin Caytelin Catlin Caetlin Caitelin Cayetlin Caitlan Catelan Caytlan Caytelan Catlan Caetlan Caitelan Cayetlan Caitlyn Catelyn Caytlyn Caytelyn Catlyn Caetlyn Caitelyn Cayetlyn Caitlynn Catelynn Caytlynn Caytelynn Catlynn Caetlynn Caitelynn Cayetlynn Caitlynne Catelynne Caytlynne Caytelynne Catlynne Caetlynne Caitelynne Cayetlynne Caitlind Catelind Caytlind Caytelind Catlind Caetlind Caitelind Cayetlind Caitland Cateland Caytland Cayteland Catland Caetland Caiteland Cayetland Caitlinn Catelinn Caytlinn Caytelinn Catlinn Caetlinn Caitelinn Cayetlinn Caitlinne Catelinne Caytlinne Caytelinne Catlinne Caetlinne Caitelinne Cayetlinne Kaitlin Katelin Kaytlin Kaytelin Katlin Kaetlin Keightlin Kaitelin Kayetlin Kaitlan Katelan Kaytlan Kaytelan Katlan Kaetlan Keightlan Kaitelan Kayetlan Kaitlyn Katelyn Kaytlyn Kaytelyn Katlyn Kaetlyn Keightlyn Kaitelyn Kayetlyn Kaitlynn Katelynn Kaytlynn Kaytelynn Katlynn Kaetlynn Keightlynn Kaitelynn Kayetlynn Kaitlynne Katelynne Kaytlynne Kaytelynne Katlynne Kaetlynne Keightlynne Kaitelynne Kayetlynne Kaitlind Katelind Kaytlind Kaytelind Katlind Kaetlind Keightlind Kaitelind Kayetlind Kaitland Kateland Kaytland Kayteland Katland Kaetland Keightland Kaiteland Kayetland Kaitlinn Katelinn Kaytlinn Kaytelinn Katlinn Kaetlinn Keightlinn Kaitelinn Kayetlinn Kaitlinne Katelinne Kaytlinne Kaytelinne Katlinne Kaetlinne Keightlinne Kaitelinne Kayetlinne
- As for your question, we would love to have you contribute towards our ridiculousness!! In fact, we encourage anyone who’s ever wanted to write an article like ours or The Onion to contact us! Our whole idea for this website was to write funny stuff and get people involved in the process. Few things though, anything you write should funny or funny-ish and not highly offensive.
- Also, thank you for being STD free. Daily Potato News is all about safe sex with potatoes.
- Feel free to contact us above or email any articles to firstname.lastname@example.org
Michael from Jackson, WY
- In reference to our statement on Facebook: “Welcome to Daily Potato News. We apologize in advance for any STDs you may catch while visiting our website.”
- Michael: What do you mean, “STD’s”? lol!
- Us: Hi Michael, glad you asked! Ever wonder why your eyes start to burn after staring at your computer screen for too long? It’s because microscopic bacteria, known as Chlamydia trachomatis, are transmitted through the light waves coming out of your computer. Chlamydia trachomatis, more commonly known as Chlamydia, then infests your body and goes right to your happy parts. In order to prevent this, we always recommend wearing eye condoms while viewing our site.